The Local Defence Volunteers or Kyngs Own Royal (Home) Guard also known as the ‘Fighting Pussycats’
In an attempt to raise a regiment of ‘home guard’ the Kyngs Own Royal Guard was formed from able bodied Orcs to defend the exposed coast of
In particular the Kyngs Own Guard allowed older and younger Orcs plus those not deemed able to be included in a fully fit fighting regiment to take part in the defence of
The Kyngs Own was initially called the Local Defence Volunteers Force but following a visit from Kyng Georgie Porgie who was looking to relocate his Summer Palace in a seaside beach hut, the LDV’s were of great use to the Kyng – helping him to tow the new canvas palace back up the beach and away from the incoming tyde, they were renamed The Kings Own Guard and later The Kyngs Own Royal Guard when Captain Manewearer offered to buy the Kyng a Cornetto (the ice-cream not a new, small crown) the Kyng was so impressed with the new-fangled iced-cream that he declared it ‘truly royal icing!’
The small platoon is detailed here;
Captain (Georgie ‘Little Napoleon’) Manewearer – Sword and swagger stick
A pompous and well meaning bespectacled money-lender, who has taken overall control not because of experience or past heroic deeds, but mainly as he is the only volunteer who has an officers uniform! An Officers uniform that includes all the detail and trappings of a full Albion Orc Major.
Sergeant Artful Wilsome (Uncle Arfu) – Orc Bessy
A dutiful and very well bred money lender clerk who works with Manewearer during the day and acts as Sergeant when volunteering in the Fencibles. Wilsome served as a Captain in the pre-black-powder era prior to retirement but is happy acting as second fiddle to Manewearer, sometimes (politely) questioning his decisions “do you think that is wise?
Lance Corporal ‘Onsey’ – Orc Bessy and bayonet (extra long for getting it up em!)
The oldest member of the group who now suffers from acute gout was born many years before the Ferach threat - bravely serving as a young drummer boy in the army of the
Private (We’re Doomed) Frazier – Modified blunderbuss which fires grenades
A coffin maker by profession and a Rat by birth. Frazier is notoriously dour and depressing, (who sometimes wears his tricorne to funerals and his undertakers hat on duty). He is openly rebellious, but ultimately loyal. His previous military service was as a cook on a small battleship.
Private (Stupid Boy) Spike – Orc Bessy
The youngest Orc in the platoon and regularly ‘molly-coddled’ by his old Mum, who insists that he wears his hand knitted and colourful scarf plus matching sock puppet (used to keep the barrel of his gun clean and dust free!) Private Spike lives with his Mum and Uncle Arfu.
Private Joe Walker – Orc Bessy
The only able bodied member of the whole group - excused overseas service due to his allergy to ‘Bullied Beef’. Joe is a natural scrounger and is regularly able to ‘pick up’ material and equipment that would normally be totally un-obtainable! There is little that Joe would not do to earn a few bob. Joe always seems to be puffing on a well worn and crumply ‘ciggy’.
Private Godfrey - Sword
A Conscientious Objector and martyr to his weak bladder – Godfrey refuses to take up Black Powder arms but acts as the unit standard bearer and medic. Godfrey is not against threatening to dispatch ill or injured soldiers with his sword, believing that he is acting humanely and in the best interest of his patients!
The Kyngs Own Royal Guard wear a more traditional uniform of tricorne, gaiters and brass buckled shoes, but carry a full regimental banner, in recollection of the ‘good turn’ shown to the Kyng on his earlier seaside visit (the standard carries the battle honour Seaside Rescue, embroidered below the regimental badge). The platoon ‘favours’ of a green bow which is worn in the tricorne were lovingly made by Cissy, Private Godfrey’s sister, from some spare curtain material. They are armed with whatever weapons they can scrounge or modify, but are always full of good intentions. Sometimes known as the ‘Fighting Pussycats or Old Pussycats’- I’m never quite sure if this is a compliment or an insult.
Captain Mainwearer is a stickler for detail and tries his very best. However due to total incompetence or pure bad luck he is very rarely successful at maintaining order and it is a blessing that in the short lifetime of the Warmonger on Sea platoon, they have never actually killed anyone (friend or foe).
It is rare that an Albion Regiment does not have a motto or battle cry, but with Onsey managing to shout down any suggestions the default “They don’t like it up em!” seems to work well.